A Tip to Calm Yourself While Triggered

I’m currently working with a couple where the wife carries a lot of trauma from past relationships. She is doing amazing work to let her wounds heal. In the meantime, she’s learning to believe that she is cared for. So, when she’s trying to get in self care, she’s having a hard time believing that her partner is not responding by being angry at her.

This means, when she’s trying to rest, and he’s getting ready to go for a bike ride, she assumes he’s mad at her for her lack of attention. So, she gets angry because she believes he’s angry.

She is now learning to calm her trigger wound and believe it’s safe for her to have self care. She’s learning to recognize that when he’s being quiet while getting ready to go out on his bike, he’s not angry at her. He’s trying to let her rest.

What’s a tool she can use to quiet her anger and fear when it flares up?

My favorite tool is breathing. Focus on the feeling of the anger, take a deep breath into where you feel the anger, and blow it out hard and fast. Then take another deep breath while focusing on feeling cared for, and blow it out slowly.

Are you looking for more tools to help you navigate conflict in marriage in safe and healthy ways? If so, I’d love to chat with you! 

I have a unique Relationship Assessment Tool that can help you identify your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. You may even realize that what’s creating your conflict isn’t that there’s something “wrong” with you or your partner, you just haven’t been using the right tools. Also, I can’t tell you how many people tell me they feel better just by chatting with me.

Feeling better starts here. Book your free Marriage Breakthrough call.

With love,
Kandi